Don't you send me to vm
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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