And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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