we have officially mastered the walk of shame
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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