12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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