The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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