and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
