I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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