Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
