I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do vagina's smell?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
