Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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