All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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