Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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