The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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