My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
