i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
