the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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