Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
