Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
