i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
