fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
