We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
