She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
