Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
