my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
please come you make the beer taste better
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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