There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
