i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
