I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
