told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
