and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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