dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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