So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
