I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
