ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
