My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
