i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
