I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
