Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the raccoons are back...
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