she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
