Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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