I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
