I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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