I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
