so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
