Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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