Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
