Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
