all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
