well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
