I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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