Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
