I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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