Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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