I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
