i don't like sucking hair
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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