No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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