he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
