from now on my penis is your penis
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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