I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
